my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
