He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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