GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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