I think my vagina is haunted
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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