if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
