I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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