new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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