You made me cry and you don't even care
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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