I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
