we have pet lesbian snakes
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
