tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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