And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
