Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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