We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
