How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You ruined the universe
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
