You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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