she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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