My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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