I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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