How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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