she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The struggles of a small town man whore
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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