so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
