i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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