Just fell off a train. Bad.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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