i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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