im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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