the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
