An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
