alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Can you bring me the toilet please
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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