I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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