hotel room ftw
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
