trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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