My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
