I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just want nice things and good sex
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
