She said her name was "party"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
