Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
