Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
