so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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