after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
