She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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