im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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