I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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