so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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