Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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