i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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