dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just threw up on my dentist
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
