If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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