so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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