I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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