Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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