My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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