One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
