Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
you never un-have a 4some
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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