It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
