4 words: hood of his car
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
