You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
