How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
