Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
