One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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