if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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