I hate all girls vehemently.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
