bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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