I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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