so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
