hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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