Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
