turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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