i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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