Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
