he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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