please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
