Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
