Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
