Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
