i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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