So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Enjoy the penises
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
