it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
