I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize