we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
FUCK WHALES
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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