so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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