Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
