Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
kristin has been a bad kristin
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
