I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
