people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
