Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
