I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
