dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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