I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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