I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Randomize
