My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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