I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
