I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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