tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
