My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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