Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
