Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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