You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
