Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Fuck appropriateness.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This is the high leading the old right now
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
