i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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