chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
