i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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