My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
