I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
