Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize