If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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