Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
