But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
