You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
