Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
