when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
