We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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