twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
