so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He felt like a one man threesome
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
