where does the pee come out of this thing
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
