I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Randomize
