i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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