Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
