We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
