You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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