I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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