Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize